Practise Makes Perfect

I have been muddling my way through this since before the first week of official school closures, as my son’s school shut up shop earlier than most due to critical under-staffing and my husband’s company also took the decision to have everyone work remotely. With three working adults and an autistic 6-year-old child all living, working and playing together under one roof, we have been navigating our way through the do’s and dont’s of multi-generational, multi-purpose living. And now that all schools are closed, as of next week, it’ll be a full house. But this trial run has been helpful to iron out some of the kinks before we do this for real. Here are my 3 biggest learnings for maintaining your sanity during these crazy times:

Forget work-life balance, the key is work-life blending.

I’ve worked from home for the majority of my 20-year career and have long been a proponent of the work-life blend. I always felt that work-life balance was too much pressure. It implies that there’s a perfect ratio of work to leisure time to achieve Maximum Happiness and I could never find it. This is a very linear view of time in which work-time and free-time are finite blocks that are on opposite ends of some invisible spectrum. Instead, I prefer to view time as circular. Yes, there are only 24 hours in a day, but how you choose to use them is up to you. You have to build a certain amount of flex in your day and that has never been more important than it is today.

The 9 – 5 is dead, long live the flexi-time! Don’t expect to work rigidly during specific office hours during quarantine, that way lies madness. You need to figure out a schedule that works for you and your family, first and foremost. I know that your colleagues and clients still depend on you, but they also have to stuff to juggle, so we just have to be a little gracious with each other during this time. We’re all in this together and that means most people will understand if you need to reschedule your regular meeting because you need to spend some time tutoring your daughter or if you want to go for a walk. Figure out what hours will work best for you and try those.

Sharing isn’t just caring, it’s essential.

I’m a loud and proud over-sharer. If I’m thinking or feeling it then I’ll either find a way to express it. I cannot stress enough how important communication is during quarantine. Communicate loudly and often with your colleagues, collaborators, clients and your fellow inmates (yes, even the little ones). Everyone is feeling things at this time and it’s making some of us behave… differently. But if you take the time to share how you are feeling with others and (here’s the key part) listen to how they’re feeling, you stand a chance of getting through this with your relationships not only intact but stronger than ever.

But sharing isn’t just about dumping your verbal load. There are duties that need to be shared too. Cooking, cleaning, childcare duties – all that *ish needs to be shared out too, regardless of who usually does it. Welcome to the new normal, folks! In our house, there are 5 living, breathing, eating, pooping souls who need to be nurtured and cared for 24-7. Before the lockdown started I made it very clear that although I normally take the lioness’ share of the childcare and household chores, this would not be the case going forward. Very quickly we worked out a rota for who would do what and when, including who is homeschooling the kids. Just as quickly, we had to change it because it wasn’t working out. But that’s ok because it’s trial and error. We’ve now figured something out which allows each adult to have a single 4 hour stretch of uninterrupted work time every day, plus another 2 hours at some point. We’ve agreed to review it every Monday night and make adjustments as needed. Whatever works for you, the key is to share the load. Otherwise, you’ll end up breeding stress and resentment that will last longer than any self-isolation period.

Kill it with kindness.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the single biggest thing that you will have to manage at this time is your mindset. These are scary times and fear messes with our minds. The most important thing that any of us can do is to be kind. Be kind to yourself by letting go of all those expectations you have of what you will do and how you will do it. You are not and never will be the perfect anything, so what? Does it really matter if you can only work at 60% of your usual capacity? Will it really ruin their childhood if your kids spend 3 hours longer on their screens each day? Focus on what you can control. You can control your attitude and your behaviours. You can make this experience easier for yourself and others by recognising that everyone is struggling to a degree. You can use this time to connect with loved ones, to learn a new discipline, to share a passion or teach a skill. And of course, be kind to others. If your staff are struggling, be sympathetic. If your supplier is taking longer to figure this out, bear with them.

At the end of the day, when we come out the other side of this strangeness, what we will remember is the kindness of others and we will be repaid for the kindness that we show. We may not be in Kansas anymore Toto, but Oz sure does look like an interesting place to be…